Dear Perfectionist

Dear PerfectionistDear Perfectionist,

I’m wondering whether you really are a perfectionist, or whether that voice that you need to try harder has come from somewhere else in your life? Perhaps someone you once knew or a well-meaning or not so well-meaning family member?

I’m wondering whether you’d rather spend time on the porch looking at the moon and the stars than making sure that every last crumb of your very existence is swept from your kitchen surfaces?

I’m wondering whether there’s a part of you that always follows the diet and that always passes on canapés that would secretly love to kick back, watch trashy, gossipy television and ignore the sugar content per 100 ml on a pint of Ben and Jerry’s finest, just for one evening?

I’m wondering whether the need to be the mother you think you should always be sometimes wears a little thin, when you just need some time to think? The ‘Rainbow Magic’ goblins are the main subject of your novel-reading and you long for days of less formulaic novels that surprise and delight you.

I’m wondering if you still feel a trace of the girl that you were who had grazed knees and a dirty face from playing amongst the trees, her face lit with freckles because sun-cream was something grown-ups insisted upon, but that didn’t seem to be important when there was play beckoning?

I’m wondering whether the straightened linen pillows in your lounge give you the sense of control over everything that you are longing for, when that little girl is afraid now?

I’m wondering whether the career you picked because of its high credentials and impressive title was a leaky boat that your spirit sailed away on?

I’m wondering if you can guess what life would have been like if you had allowed yourself to make more mistakes and were unashamed of not having it all together, of not knowing your path?

I’m wondering whether your belief that you are responsible for everything going well is serving you?

I’m wondering if you long to sometimes rebel against your own expectations and wear the Doc Martins of your desires?

I’m wondering if beneath the perfectionism there is the you that longs to be loved and accepted, that longs to feel worth and that she is enough?

There comes a time when you might realise that your perfectionism is destroying your dreams rather than supporting you. Breaking past perfectionism does not mean completely disowning that part of you, but it does mean learning self-acceptance and kindness to the self.

With love and acceptance,


P.S. If you would like me to work with you as your coach to help you with your perfectionism and in developing your inner resilience please email me at for a free 30 minute Skype or phone chat about how I can help and to find out if we are a good fit for coaching.